The morning after a Comedy Show

I wake up the morning after a comedy show with the same questions people probably have after a questionable night. Why is this guy in my bed?

Did I say something embarrassing? Did anyone get my jokes? Why did I eat chinese food at midnight? Also who is this random person’s phone number in my contacts? Doing stand-up is weird because for ten minutes you become the most confident person alive. When I’m confident for the most part but I’m running out there like I HAVE THINGS TO SAY!

Then the second you get off stage you’re replaying every sentence, every second of silence. Did I bomb? Did I accidentally insult the producers mom? Was I really sweating that much? It was 85 degrees.I also do this thing where I pretend I don’t care how the set went.

Then comes the post show socializing. I hate this part. This is when I wish people would say things like You should be on Netflix! They don’t, just recently the past few years I do get a nice complement most of the time. By the time I get home, I’m exhausted, my makeup is melting off, and I smell. Then I do it all over again.